Final Countdown

With less than five days to go before the big adventure, I can't help but feel a multitude of emotions.

The first is a feeling of bittersweet-ness. It was my last day working for Pizza Express yesterday and I will miss it so much; its been a great last 3 months and I really felt I became part of a great team. Despite that though, I definitely felt it was time to move on and I'm glad this opportunity presented itself when it did.  I think that moment really stuck with me that this chapter of my life is now coming to a close. And as much as I like to reminisce on the past, I have learnt to not dwell on things that have happened previously; from experience the things that are out of your control are not worth spending your time and energy on. And despite the roller coaster of a year I've had for whatever reason, I am really striving to focus on the future and mentally and emotionally prepare for the adventures ahead.

The second (and right now I would say the most overwhelming) of emotions is fear. Despite the negative connotation it brings, I do feel it can be good in small doses. Okay, maybe the dosage of fear I'm feeling right now isn't that small, but I'm beginning to embrace it and tell myself that not knowing what lies ahead can actually be an exciting thing. I feel the more I talk about it with people though, the more scary it sounds. Its the questions I get asked frequently; "You're going on your OWN?!" "Have you even been to Thailand?!" "Is it safe?!" - I mean c'mon, if I was always worried about things like that then I'd never go anywhere would I?! That being said though, this adventure is extremely daunting; not just because I'm going to a country I've never been before that speaks a language I've never spoken before, but because this is my first real teaching job. Working with kids in the past has led me to this but I still feel so unprepared! There are some many 'what ifs' running through my head and a concern that everything I learnt as part of my T.E.F.L. qualification I will have forgotten. I know my friends reading this though will be saying to not worry or overthink things, and this emotion of fear will subside. Yes, the first month will be hard, but once that hurdle is over, I just know all the things I feared will clear and I will enjoy the experience.

Of course I'd be lying if I said I wasn't excited. I'm going to a country I have always wanted to visit and will be basking in 30 degree weather whilst my fellow brits will have to endure this frostbitten winter we've got coming apparently!!...(sorry not sorry). Perhaps what I'm most excited for though is giving myself an opportunity to start afresh; I did that when I studied abroad at Willamette and I could not have had more of a life-changing experience. Like I've said before, I want to use this time away to really see if a) teaching is for me, b) I can survive living in a different country on my own (and more independently than studying abroad) and c) work on myself to come back to the UK a better person who has grown and learnt from this experience. I really want to go out there and work on myself physically, mentally, and emotionally. I want to go to the gym and improve my body and my fitness (i.e. come back looking smoking hot), whilst at the same time working on my mind and emotions after struggling with that particularly over the past 3 months. This is truly an opportunity of a lifetime for me and I know instead of worrying about what it holds, I've got to embrace it and know that whatever happens, it was meant to happen for a reason right?

4 days to go. Shit is getting real.